Thursday’s Thoughts: Arguments, Avoidance & Animosity: The Three A’s at Work
On this beautiful Thursday, I’m thinking about opposites. Do they really attract? I happen to be married to someone who is so much my opposite that I’m almost certain both Stevie Wonder and Paula Abdul had us in mind when they wrote their classic hits. We’re almost 25 years in and “live together in perfect harmony” after lots of conversations and a good deal of work.
What happens with “opposites” at work? People in work relationships rarely have the time, resources, or inclination to make an effort to improve relationships that don’t quite work. What happens most of the time is some configuration of the “Three As”- arguments, avoidance, and animosity; all three are nerve-wracking for the people involved and culture disruptors for their teammates and the organization.
I’m sure you can guess what gets done about these relationships most of the time. Nothing. Opposing parties frequently choose avoidance and try to stay clear enough of each other to prevent arguments. Unfortunately, animosity always runs in the background, keeping the opposers apprehensively waiting for the next unpleasant interaction.
A “do-nothing” response to these relationships is typical, as the people who work with the opposers are undoubtedly aware of what’s happening but don’t want to get involved. They have their own problems with which to contend. People try hard to ignore the opposer’s relationship dynamics and attempt to replace it with pleasantries or jokes, anything to suppress the tension that invariably spreads to the entire team. Some work teams have walked this tightrope for years by being nice but never achieving the authentic connection and collaborative culture that leads to progress and innovation.
So, what should be done when people who work together don’t quite get along, but the needs of the business require that they do? There are many options beyond the most common, and they all require the willingness to create a better future for all concerned parties.
Celebrate difference as a strategic advantage. “Diversity” is multifaceted and includes differences in how people physically present themselves to the world, as well as differences in values, relationships, occupations, and ways of processing and interpreting information. When properly leveraged, diversity has proven to be a significant strategic value in organizations. Without a strategic effort to embrace and effectively utilize the benefits of the multiple forms of diversity at work, differences are easily weaponized.
Learn where people are today. With almost 30 years of consulting, learning and development, and leadership experience, I’ve worked with several assessment instruments to help people be more self-aware and effective at work. That said, I’m finding the corestrengths SDI 2.0 to be the quintessential tool for assisting people in improving their work relationships by better understanding themselves and their colleagues' motivations and strengths. These insights help people recognize their opposing strengths, which helps to identify and correct misunderstandings and assumptions about each other. With this knowledge, individuals often adjust their perceptions and behaviors to handle interactions more successfully.
Operationalize psychological safety. There’s a lot of buzz about psychological safety at work, which, in the words of Amy Edmonson, is “a team environment where people feel comfortable sharing ideas, questions, concerns, and mistakes without fear or punishment or humiliation. It’s about learning from mistakes together and creating a space where people feel confident that their ideas and concerns will be heard.” All critical and powerful stuff, but I see organizations that struggle to translate the theory into practice. A psychologically safe workplace can only happen when leaders consciously decide to build it into the culture through a system of education and the right mindset and behaviors practiced consistently. Not only is it possible, but with a good process, it’s both probable and sustainable.
Our small team at Progressive Discoveries is having big conversations with companies to address work relationships, diversity and psychological safety. We’ve helped organizations drive meaningful outcomes and would be delighted to do the same for you. Allow us to tell you more about what we’re doing and share a FREE corestrengths demonstration with you.
We can’t wait to chat with you: contactus@progressivediscoveries.com