Thursday’s Thoughts: Spooked & Scared… of Success

On this Halloween Thursday, I’m thinking about fear. Not of all the little ghosts, goblins, monsters and witches that’ll trick us into giving up the treats tonight, but of the fear many of us face at work, especially when we’re on the precipice of success.

If you’ve dreamed of the “perfect” job and found it but are struggling to find a sense of peace and self-worth in it, or, you “stand in your own way” of realizing your dreams, this article is for you.

What is it that causes people to procrastinate, lean in to perfectionism and otherwise self-sabotage?

“Self-sabotage often serves as a coping mechanism that people use to deal with stressful situations and past traumas. Unfortunately, it typically makes problems worse and limits a person’s ability to successfully move forward in a healthy way.” Barbara Field: Self Sabotaging: Why Does It Happen?

There is a plethora of scholarship and resources on this subject.

This post reflects my lived experience and a few practical approaches to addressing this problem.

 As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve experienced this many times, usually when I’m at a professional or personal crossroads that requires me to change course. I’ve struggled with feelings of not being good, smart, or accomplished enough. I’ve compared myself to others who appear to be everything I’m not and are doing everything I want to do. My dilemmas centered around playing small, taking the easiest, least threatening path, or going big, taking risks, and putting myself “out there” despite my fears of rejection, ridicule, or incompetence.

I’ve focused on the latter over the past few years, and the following practices have helped me achieve my professional (and a few personal) aspirations in ways I didn’t believe possible.

Get Grounded

Many of us are busy at being busy all the time. There’s always something to be done around the house, errands to run, chats to have, social media doom scrolling interspersed with internet shopping to do, and so on. You know what I’m talking about: DISTRACTIONS that keep us from being in the state of mind that allows us to feel stable, self-aware, and grounded.  I was the queen of “busy” and used it as an excuse for not doing what I needed to move forward. There are several ways to have a stronger sense of self and get more emotionally grounded, including meditation, faith practices, and therapy. For me, it’s daily physical exercise that helps me connect mind and body. I feel more open, calm, and thoughtful afterward, which opens the door to creativity and focus.   

Get Focused

Success may feel especially scary when we haven’t clearly defined it. I recently had a conversation with someone seeking to start his own business. I asked him what he wanted to do, and he answered, “Start a mobile smoothie bar.”  Great. But as we talked more about it, it became evident that he hadn't considered the “how,” i.e., financing, permitting, variability in seasonal product offerings, inventory management, and other operational imperatives. He hadn’t thought it through or created the roadmap to realize his dream. He was trading in wishes. In the words of Antoine de Saint-Exupery, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.”

Whatever your vision for success, be it aspirational or current, having a solid plan to which you devote time and consistent energy will pay off.

Consider the following:

-What do I want?

-What does success look like?

-How will I know when I’ve achieved it?

-How will I feel when I’ve achieved it?

-What are the steps/behaviors/actions that will lead me to it?

-What resources (time, money, supplies, etc.) are required?

-Who are the people I should consult/collaborate with/employ?

-How will I regroup, recover and restart if it fails?

Get Supported

We may have all the answers, but it’s essential to solicit feedback from others, as it helps with perspective. Others may expose blind spots that are impossible for us to see without their input.  Uma Thana Balasingam, a well-known LinkedIn influencer, discusses the importance of having a peer-to-peer mentorship circle of 8-12 people where colleagues can provide candid feedback and advice. This concept resonates with me, as such a group can tell you what you really need to hear, such as feedback that helps you consider multiple areas for improvement. Perhaps you’re thinking, “Why not get advice from close friends and family?” Sometimes, the people who love and support us most are great cheerleaders but poor mentors.  

“Support” comes in multiple forms. Others include affinity or community groups, workshops and learning opportunities, and various forms of counseling, depending on your needs. What’s most important is to avoid going it alone. People want to help. Allow them.

So, as you go out into the scary, dark and spooky night this Halloween, carry these safety sentiments with you:

-Be inspired by OTHERS, but be like YOU. You’re more than enough!

-Think and proceed with PURPOSE.

-You belong in the spaces you’re in. BELIEVE it.

Happy Halloween. Eat too much candy today, then get back on track tomorrow!

At Progressive Discoveries we help you build the workplace culture your leaders want and your employees love.  We have big conversations that matter with companies to address work relationships, DEIB and psychological safety. We’ve helped organizations drive meaningful outcomes and would be delighted to do the same for you. Allow us to tell you more about what we’re doing and share a FREE corestrengths demonstration with you.

We can’t wait to chat with you: contactus@progressivediscoveries.com

With CARE,

Janet Williams, Founder, Progressive Discoveries